The tension was mounting up.  It was almost there and yet not there!  It seemed like all of my life’s little moments were centered around this one event. I even thought it was the climax of my life.  The closer the date drew near the more tensed I was. 12th Standard Public Exams.  Clearly 12^th standard didn’t seem so pumped up with tension in my school days as far as I can remember.  The only difference now was  “I” wasn’t taking the exam.  It was my little hero, now grown up to be a teenager, who was going to take his 12^th grade exams in March.  Trust me, it is so much easier to write 12^th standard yourself!

What started out to be a fabulous New Year 2017 started to fade out as the virus that was going around town visited me as well with no regard whatsoever that I was a doctor.  It is funny when patients and friends ask me chuckling  “Doctor herself is sick, huh?”.   I chuckle as well thinking, not loudly of course,  “I wish the virus knew that!!”.  At least this ‘virus’ should have the basic common sense, if not having had the time to peruse through  my LinkedIn profile before attacking me. Right?  Well I was flat as can be on the bed with not even one ATP energy molecule to move around or wiggle a finger.  The best part was, my help mate who sincerely came all year round had this brilliant idea of quitting just before my son’s public exam.  When I face such situations I take it as a challenge and usually come out learning a valuable life lesson through that trial.  But not this time!  You don’t take challenges when you fall sick.

My poor fellow would go to school seeing mama in bed and come back to see her in bed.  I could see the concern, the sadness, the pain in his eyes but he said nothing. A gentle peck on the cheek or a squishy hug was the best he could do besides going to school and managing food on his own.  I did not trouble any of my friends but there was one adamant dame who despite telling her literally ‘Don’t come home to see me”  called  one day saying “ I am taking the  U turn near the high way, do I take a right or left to reach your home?’   I had no option but to let her in.  I barely made it to the door to let her in.

She stormed in, took over my kitchen, made some rice porridge for me and ensured I ate it in front of her. She filled up a flask of hot water for my use during the rest of the day , sat down reading a book  as I barely kept my eyes open as she was talking from  couch beside me.  This was her 2^nd or 3rd visit to my house.  I clearly remembered only a couple of months ago during her first visit she mentioned not to cook anything for her in vessels I had cooked my non vegetarian meals.  Here she was, my cute veggy Brahmin friend, cooking in the same vessels for me. What do you call this? – that transcends religion, culture, hereditary beliefs, stigma’s? ?   Friendship? Care?  Concern?  I think it is just plain old ‘Love’ from one human being to another!

3^rd week – I’m still recovering  from the flu and alas!  My son manages to fracture his right hand 5^th metacarpal bone.  He could still hold a pen though his hand was swollen and blue.  I rushed him to the emergency at 9 p.m and both of us were in shock when we walked out of the hospital with a plaster cast completely covering his right hand from elbow all the way to the palm and all 4 fingers.  The only thing he could wiggle was his thumb!  It was Jan 21^st  exactly 3 weeks before his State board exam practicals which would begin on Feb 14^th.  As we were crossing the road opposite the orthopaedic centre my son asked “So I would be fine before my NEET medical entrance exams, right ma?” which was 3 months down the lane.

“ You can’t write NEET if you don’t clear your board exams in March”  came the instant reply but it took some time to dawn on me that he may not be able to write the exam at all with the prognosis the doctor mentioned – at least 4-6 weeks time to heal.  It suddenly felt like everything stood still.  When reality hit me I felt like a deflated balloon. All the mounting tension regarding 12^th public exam was gone in a second as I hit rock bottom knowing that my son could miss his 12^th board exams and might have to write it the next year.  I also noticed a glum wave pass over my son’s face as we walked toward our car and it started to drizzle. It was a silent ride home without the usual chit chatting.

Not having had enough time to recover from the flu, I was still exhausted running around from pillar to post the next week between school office, the district education unit to arrange for a scribe to write for him as he dictates.   They mentioned I was late arranging for a scribe as they had already sent all requests for the scribes for other students including handicapped ones in the state.  Despite my fatigue and weakness standing at the portal of the government office I felt like saying “I didn’t know he would break his hand before the deadline sir”.  A Muslim driver from the cab company drove my car as I did not even have the strength to sit in the back seat for an hour long drive.  All through this pain and turmoil my heart was silently crying out to my Lord.  I couldn’t put words to my problems ….just tears to Him.

The next two weeks I don’t know from where I found the strength to manage the household without help, chauffeur my son to school back and forth, give him a bath in the morning, feed him, help him dress up and so on and so forth interspersed with running around for gazetted office signature, addressing letters to school, meeting principal, taking photographs of injured hand at photo studio at all angles, Xerox shops, collecting medical reports , waiting at hospital for doctors to give certificates and secretaries to correct typographical errors, you name it!  Did I mention that the model exam prior to the main exam had begun and the school’s math teacher tried to be a scribe to my son.  The exam was for 3 hours. He was out of the exam hall by one hour and told me that he cannot dictate math.  “Oh sure!  I get that!” I nodded except that I didn’t know what to do about it for the main public exam!!!  He could not practice doing his math problems during the study holidays, needed help to even flip the pages of his text book with one hand and I could see he was getting frustrated and restless.

As a mother, I knew what he was going through and I kept encouraging him saying “If worst comes to worst, we will lose another year without writing the exam.  One year is not a big deal in the grand scheme of life”.  I don’t know if I was comforting him or comforting myself when I mentioned that. Really.  The orthopaedician said it would be  minimum 4-6 weeks to heal but I had only 3 weeks before his practicals.  He also mentioned a one week of physiotherapy as the hands would be stiff from the plaster cast.  I still hoped it would heal sooner but to my utter disappointment when we got a second opinion at the end of the 2^nd week, another doctor said that  the plaster cast was put in a wrong position.   With one more week to go the little hope I had also shattered, I had only person I could turn to – One being I could count on – One Helper and a Healer.  Oh! I prayed for my lil’ dude as he slept asking the Lord to touch him and heal him instantly.  I gave Him no option in my prayer but to heal my son instantly. I wasn’t going to wait for 4  let alone 6 weeks.  One night as I prayed fervently I felt a peace in my spirit that the Lord touched my son’s hand as he was sleeping. Review with the doctor 2 days before his practical exam for a re-cast  just turned out to be a  miraculous union of his fractured bone.  No more cast. I was about to enquire  about the stiffness and physiotherapy  as they were throwing away the cast, when I noticed my son writing on the  X ray envelope “Praise God!”

Raising him from kindergarden almost single handedly, 12^th standard exam and transition into college seems like the climax of not only his but my life as well.  Through this entire trial God made me realize that He was in in- charge of  not only my life but my my son’s life as well. All I had to do was trust Him!  I was fighting the battle in my own strength only to fall face flat on the ground.  He not only picked me up but victoriously held my son’s hand in His.  When we go through struggles we feel we are all alone but He is always there watching over us, wondering if we would trust Him and ask Him, Knock and Seek and above all, find Him as the very source of our strength and existence.  Looking back, all through this turbulence at a critical juncture in my life though I was all alone unable to bite or chew, spit or even swallow my situation, I was never alone!  He was just beside me, walking beside me and when I couldn’t take it anymore He not only took over my burden but carried me on His shoulders.

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“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” – Mathew 11:28

contd…..        Alone with Him…Part 2     Alone with Him…Part 3

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