What started out to be simple publishing of rank list for the state turned out to be a nightmare for yet another month – students and parents tossed around day after day, week after week, month after month to a prolonged wait which involved moving up from high court single judge to high court bench and finally to the supreme court. Finally they did toss out the 85% quota that puts my son at an advantage. Then came the best part for a bunch of politicians decided to disqualify the very NEET exam that we believed for 2 years would qualify them to get into medical college. The kids after all have just struggled for only 2 years to write it especially after the Government said it was the only way to getting into medicine! It was over my head at this point. Didn’t make any sense. Nothing seemed real anymore. Everyone’s heart sank but I was cheerful. In fact one of the parents chided me for keeping a cheerful attitude. Perhaps, because I know I can’t do anything about this situation, but I know a God who can!
Aug 23, 2017
Today was the big day when all the agony ends. Finally the rank list for Tamil Nadu State was announced. My fellow did make it to the top 10% of the 33,000 students. I was happy making phone calls to everyone in the morning saying that there would be another doctor in the house most likely and my son went off to the mall to celebrate with his friends. It was by evening when one parent called and explained in detail that my son won’t be able to get a seat even though he had a great rank just because of the caste and reservation policies. I didn’t want to hear what I was hearing. It just happened that there were many students in our category before us who would get to choose a seat before us and if its gone, its gone!!
This really shook me because what it meant was that if he didn’t make it, an entire year would go for a toss since all other colleges are closed for admissions and in fact started their first internals. Plus he just wanted medicine and nothing else. The hatred for math was not helping either to get into engineering! His best friend who was a couple of marks behind and a few hundred ranks further than my son would get a seat because he belonged to another category. We were happy for him because we prayed for them as well during the entire 3 month wait. I had not talked about the caste system in Tamil Nadu to my son and he was perplexed as to why he didn’t get a seat even though he scored well. What is this ma? How does one get chosen as OC, BC, MBC, BCM, SC, ST? What is the criteria for selection into these castes? He bombarded me with so many questions I had no answer to. Another friend got into a deemed university that I did not even apply because the rules were not clear in the prospectus whether they could participate in state counselling after we apply. I felt I made a mistake when the results came out because 17 people after my son’s rank had got an MBBS seat and regretted deeply that I should have applied. Imagine that your son worked so hard for 2 years and he loses his only chance at getting a medical seat (though attrociously expensive in deemed universities) just because of your solo seemingly stupid decision. Bummer!
The faith I stood by went for a toss, broke down almost sobbing to a best friend who was a Hindu Brahmin who had stood by me through this whole journey since January. She kept saying “I don’t know about your son’s studying capacity or intelligence but for what you have gone through, your son should get a seat”. Though God is there we sometimes need to see him in human beings – as comforting words and actions in love. But this time she was not going to listen to my sob story. She in fact said very emphatically “Aren’t you expecting a miracle? Then wait for it!”. It was like a slap to my face and kick starter to re-stir my faith all at the same time! The best friend’s mom who has also been a good companion through this struggle instead of rejoicing her son’s victory was very sad for us and said “ Didn’t you say your God said, “We will win at the end”. All what I had spoken to them about my God’s promises was coming back to me to encourage me and giving me the strength to continue standing still and wait till the end. God didn’t want me to give up in the end…. It is not over until He says its over!
I was calculating and recalculating the possibility of a seat with all permutations and combinations, playing with numbers, addition subtraction….and finally figured I had also become weak in math too over the years! When you get into medicine your ‘math’ part of the brain disappears even for calculating the change you need to get back at a grocery shop after purchase. Never mind if you used to get centum in 12th grade or earlier. It was not adding up…and then I heard His voice clearly …….“Yeah, by your calculation your son won’t get a seat …….but by my calculation he will surely get”. This still confidence kept me going for another day in the flesh. Then again I sank in spirit and standing in the shower almost about to burst out in tears I was asking the Lord ……Lord I waited for 3 whole months very patiently being still and trusting you , but now these 3 days (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) until Sunday, the D day –when the actual counselling happens – it is going to be the longest wait of my life. Just then in my Spirit I heard “Remember June, 2000 years ago there was a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They thought they crucified me on the cross and buried me under the grave but on the third day Sunday I rose up victoriously. There is victory on Sunday! ’. That was it. Sealed and promised and delivered just in time to stop my breakdown. That calmed my soul. It was still the longest 3 days of my life till date!
The day prior –Saturday, itself we went to the counselling and saw all the government seats disappear right under our very nose. It was like watching a cricket match sitting at the tip of your chair and biting your finger nails. Its like your life is no more in your hands but it is at the mercy of others making their choice before you! End of Saturday, coming home in a thunderstorm, there were a few seats left and there were 200 people ahead of my son the next day for counselling. We prayed, googled the remaining colleges and made sure they were recognized and went to bed at 2 am hoping to wake up on time. Morning unusually my son woke me up on the day of counselling (yeah, the Big day!) at 6am instead of the other way round and surprised me saying “ I didn’t sleep at all the whole night”. I decided to the pick the college in Chennai itself, he added. I didn’t say a word but read the word before I started from home “Jesus predicts His death” was the heading in the Bible as I randomly opened a page as I was in a hurry ……Lord its over huh! Today being the climax… I muttered under my breath. Just then the Holy Spirit prompted “Continue reading”. ……”In three days I will rise again” it read. I realized it was His same promise given to me on Thursday that He was confirming today. A peace – Yes! a peace that comes ONLY from Him swept my heart and stayed with me throughout that landmark day in my life.
Status: 200 people before my son and 26 seats left……..the clock was ticking, the dash board numbers were flipping down fast, almost simultaneously as our hearts were pounding up in the chest. On the way to the Counseling Centre during our early morning drive in the traffic-less streets of Chennai ( very rare scenario), we saw a verse in front of an old Kirk’s church reading “As for God, His way is perfect’ Psalm 18:30. Just then I knew that He has a perfect seat for my kiddo.
They called us to that final moment of locking your choice – “Counter no. 7” he called out. Biblically 7 is a number of divine perfection and completeness. There were 11 seats still left after 200 people had made their choices before my son! Impossible math calculation. What a miracle! My son joined his desired medical college on 7th September as the 7th batch of that college. Among the 150 people who joined from various parts of India he was selected to give a speech with the Dean, Chancellor and other dignitaries on the stage. A few days later a photograph of him was in the local newspaper! What was that? God’s favor on His children. On the inaugural day my son spoke so mature and eloquently that I had to introduce myself later to other parents in the function as ‘his mom’ for the first time rather than ‘he is my son’!
I have blessed him everyday ( literally everyday without fail) before he would go to school, those 2 toiling years saying “May the wisdom of the Holy Spirit rest upon you” and I was seeing that wisdom flow in God’s destined life for my little fellow, right in front of my eyes….It was the perfect day of my life… Yes! He is perfect. Everything He does is perfect in His time!
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As for God, His way is perfect Psalm 18:30