Walking on a moonlit terrace enjoying a mild drizzle, in the midst of  powerful gusts of wind distracting me from the gentleness of the raindrops falling on my skin, I was still lost in thought.

Seems like there was nothing to do for the past few months. Business and everything else was at an all time low.  Never realized 24 hours could be so long, mundane and purposeless.  Just a few months before the corona quarantine,  I have been a busy bee who scrolled through lists of to do’s only to add a few more to the list at the end of the day for the next day’s to do’s.  I felt productive. Satisfied.  You know, busy being busy.  Watching a movie on the weekends was a luxury  but it left me wondering if it was worth my time.  For the past few days I have felt frankly useless just cooking, cleaning, serving, mopping and moping at my mundane life.

Life as we know it, has changed, for each of us during this pandemic.  I know my colleagues are still in the forefront handling sick patients overwhelmed with the endless inpatient registrations, worried about their own safety and their loved ones.  For business people it is either a complete shut down or shift to an online portal or a complete change in job profile. For daily vendors of vegetables and fruits, it is a day to day cash flow. Nearing 50,  I don’t think I want to change my job profile particularly since all that I have worked hard thus far are what makes me to be who I am today.  I may not be  where I want to be but atleast I am not where I used to be.  Who wants a change? Change is uncomfortable, painful and  unnecessary if not a necessity.

This afternoon, I enjoyed watching  Whitney Houston’s ‘The Bodyguard’ and loved hearing her popular song ‘I will always love you!’.   Wondered how she could act so well and sing like an angel captivating the audience. I was in awe of her achievements at such a young age.  The next Youtube video discussed her tragic death alone in a hotel room in LA after going through an isolated oblivion in life with drug abuse. She has won several academy awards with a million fans around the world, a true legend in her era and yet  she fell prey to an addiction that she let take control over her life.  If fame, hardwork, extraordinary talent, a million fans  who would die for you,  didn’t cut it in life, what does?   This story  is not very different from another music legend Michael Jackson who is  still loved to death  by many fans, who fell into the same trap of rising to stardom and falling like a star from the sky towards the end of his glamorous career.

The raindrops were getting a little bigger but I didn’t seem to mind as I wanted to get to  the end of my thought trail. I wanted answers from the Universe, God, the stars or the sky, rain or the wind, as I paced to and fro on the terrace.   Then there was Kobe Bryant who dedicated his life to defining his craft and becoming the best basket ball player in the whole world.  Everyday he worked meticulously at his passion – dedicated twice the time as his team mates in practice, so  much so, he could fly and dunk in air with such elegance.  A basket ball legend.  A master at his craft!

In his words he says he thought of nothing for 40 years except the ‘ball’.  One fine morning he said he just didn’t love it anymore.  His body was not moving as fast as his mind was and he decided to spend the rest of his time coaching his daughter and her team and spending  more time with his family and be there for his kids.  Little did he know he was closer than he thought to the end of his life and not at midpoint, so he could devote half of his life  to his career and half to his family.  A routine helicopter ride to drop off his daughter at a basket game ended in a tragic accident.  That’s my point – he had his priorities straightened out – ticked off his checklists of high priorities before coming to the seemingly mundane things in life like dropping off kids, playing with his kids , taking them to school or rolling on the floor with them  or simply using his expertise and experiential wisdom to teach to the next generation ….  If he knew his timeline, would he have planned his passion and life  differently? It boils down to one question –“ How much time do we have?”  Planning and prioritizing would be so much easier then, isn’t it?  On a side note,  I wonder if  the Creator tucked in a user manual with an expiry date inside the uterus along with every embryo.   It would be so  much  simpler to plan life,  isn’t it?

Steve Jobs, the legend who is partly responsible for the techie life we live today within the 4 borders of a iphone, ipad or Mac,  known for his obsession with perfection and customer experience had these lines jotted  down, while he was nearing his deathbed with terminal pancreatic cancer – “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

Stop, Steve!  That’s my question – What is truly important?  Are you, Steve, the best judge?  Or is it some random blogger who judges you, years after you are dead?  Is being a legend important or leaving a legacy important? Is it about You or those around you? Is it about your style of living or your  nonverbal lifestyle that matters? Is it okay to live haphazard  and aimless for a major part of life  and then streamline it to finish off well? Or,  do you have to have it together from the start?  ‘Do good. Be good.” they say- but define “good” for me please.  Weren’t we taught in English grammar class that there is a ‘better’ and ‘best’ as comparative and superlative for ‘good’.   How do you finish this race of life well? Oh well, what is ‘well’ anyway? Anyone knows?!

The moon disappeared under the dark clouds and others in the terrace were long gone!  I don’t know how long I paced to and fro and how I took about-turns at the right places to not fall off the 4 walls on the terrace, lost in thought!  The raindrops were heavier just as the burden in my heart for these unanswered questions.

I asked some of these questions to my 84 year old personal legend and hero – my dad in his last days.   I thought I can tap into his wisdom smartly to avoid the valleys in life.  “Don’t think too much!” he said.  “We think we are orchestrating life with smart planning and highest education but ultimately we are all puppets in God’s hands.  We move according to His will and plan for our lives knowingly or unknowingly. Jesus said ‘Carry your cross and follow me. As long as you live in this world there will be tribulations.  However, He promised ‘Come to me and lay down your burden and I will make it light’.   Daddy added “He will not show you the whole path but each day when you surrender in humility, He will guide you for that day.  Next day, start all over again. Rejoice as you live, because you are still alive that day and surrender again. When you live each day this way, each of these days add a pearl to the necklace of life! Looking back you would have connected the dots in the right places (and in my case, perhaps taken u-turns at the right moment at end of the terrace nonchalantly without falling off the terrace!) and left a trail to influence those designed to be travelling with you for a defined period of time in your journey of life and those following you long after you are gone!

You start alone and end alone.  Came with nothing and leave with nothing.  Some were assigned to be  in-charge of you and you are in-charge of some others.   One truth I realized, is that all the corporate jobs, followed by to do lists, business meetings, websites and social platforms started off in the first place to take care of  you and those assigned to you.  They were designed to  help you accomplish that mission.   You get so carried away into the ‘busy being busy’ lifestyle that you forgot why you started to get busy in the first place!  To get food on the table for those you ultimately care about.  To spend time with loved ones.  To ensure they are safe and secure under a roof.  When did this become mundane? Purposeless? Boring?  That’s exactly what I did today in the pandemic lockdown – cooked, served, ensured everyone assigned to me was safe. We forget to be grounded in the foundation of the building blocks while enjoying the bliss of a  windy, starry, wide open terrace! During this Pandemic we have all  realized what is really important and how minimal our needs are.

Faith. Family & Friends

Love. Joy. Hope. Peace.

Keep breathing.

Keep living, my friend!

One day at a time!

God has got your name inscribed in the palm of His Hand.  You are assigned to Him and He leads by example everyday – He never fails to take care of  His children-  mere mortals like you and me,  though He could  very well be  distracted by the blazing stars or the roaring seas, the gentle rain or the graceful breeze that He created, being the Lord of this amazing Universe!

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

John 10:27  “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”